


red.

by constelletters



Series: purple. [1]
Category: BanG Dream! (Anime), BanG Dream! Girl's Band Party! (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Complete, Heavy Angst, One Shot, Oneshot, Roselia, ako rinko sayo mentioned, mainly yukina & lisa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-31
Updated: 2019-01-31
Packaged: 2019-10-18 05:46:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,434
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17575010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/constelletters/pseuds/constelletters
Summary: In which Yukina finds Lisa within shades of red.





	red.

**Author's Note:**

> lowercase is intended for parts of the story, i hope you enjoy it!

red is the color 

of your nails

when I come to see you today.

“I was feeling good today, so I got to go up to the roof! I decided to bring a bit of color to this room, so I painted my nails~” You pause, admiring your handiwork, then glancing up at me with a smile. “Yukina, we should paint our nails together sometime!” You chuckle, laughing with a hint of bitterness that I don’t miss. 

 

After all, we’ve known each other for years now, right?   
  
We’ve known each other for years, but sometimes, you feel worlds away; stuck in this room that slowly chokes the life out of you. You say you don’t mind, that you’ll be out before I know it- but you and I both know- it’s not that simple. I smile and reply with a small sigh. “Sure Lisa, if you promise to bake me cookies I’ll let you put whatever you want on my nails.”    
In response, she does a bit of a cackle, and says “Yuuuukina, you might want to take that back~ I’ll make you regret those words, you know?”   
I smile, content with her spirited response, and pull up a chair next to her. “Sure, Lisa.”  _ If painting my nails would get you out of this room, I’d let you paint my nails everyday. _

 

“So anyways, what’d I miss?” I tell her about what’s been going on, about what’s happened at school, about everything from the weather to the earrings I saw on the street the other day that I think she’d like. 

 

Without us noticing, the sky begins to color itself hues of pink, orange, hues of red- and I find myself putting the chair back and waving goodbye. “I’ll see you next week, Lisa.” 

 

She smiles, a smile that makes it seem like the sun will never set in her presence. 

“I’ll paint your nails next week, you’ll see~ See ya, Yukina~”

 

I wave back with a smile, and close the door to the room, left in the cold, sterile walls of the hospital. I heave a sigh, and head back home.

 

\---

 

red is the color

of the flowers that someone left for you by the windowsill

when I come to see you today.

“Yuuuukina, look! Moca brought me some red geraniums today~ Aren’t they pretty?” I set my bag down, pulling up the chair to sit next to her. I turn my attention to the flowers, and breathe in. “That was nice of Aoba-san, they’re quite nice.” For once, I find that the room doesn’t completely smell like something that’s nothing, but it smells faintly of flowers.  _ That’s good. _

 

“So anyways, what’d I miss? I heard about Yamabuki Bakery’s new menu all thanks to Moca; you should try their new cat-shaped cream bread!” I laugh, and make a note to myself to buy one next week so we can share it next time. 

 

I begin to tell her what she’s missed, just as I’ve been doing for awhile now, and she nods along as she asks questions and interjects here and there about my weekly report. This week, however, I have something else to add. Just as I see the sky begin to dye itself in golden hues, I decide to tell her what’s been on my mind.   
  
“Lisa, I just wanted to let you know that I’m going to make a band.” Her eyebrows arch up in surprise, as she stops to formulate her answer; only to answer with a question. “Future World Fes?” A small smile escapes me,  _ she knows me all too well. _ “Yeah, I’ve already started looking for members.”   
  


She smiles, one that’s big and wide, and she says a phrase that puts the sun’s warmth inside me. “That’s great, Yukina. I’m so proud of you; good luck with your band!” She asks me questions, and I answer; before I know it, the hues of red in the sky signal my departure, and I promise to see her again next week. “Keep me posted, okay Yukina? I’ll have to approve of your bassist, after all~”   
  
I smile back, slightly pressed- which I’m sure she sees, but chooses to say nothing about- and wave. “I’ll see you next week, Lisa.”

 

Closing the door to the room, left in the cold, sterile walls of the hospital, I put my hand to the door, as if she was right on the other side, and breathe a faint whisper.    
  
“It’s going to be the hardest to choose a bassist, Lisa.”

 

On my way home, I search up ‘red geraniums,’ as I’m curious as to “why not the typical roses?” and “If Lisa likes them, I’ll have to buy them for her some other time too,” only to find that they mean ‘good health.’ 

 

Aoba-san, I hope those flowers of yours do her some justice.

 

\---

 

red is the color

of the bass that you have in your lap

when I come to see you today. 

I’m surprised to see it, as I haven’t seen that bass in awhile. 

 

In fact, you’re so engrossed in playing it that you don’t notice me slip in, and I stand there, listening to the low twangs that fill the room, until you notice. “Wh-What? Yukina, don’t just scare me like that! How long were you there?” I laugh, as I see her small pout as she sets the bass to the side of her bed.   
  
“Not long, don’t worry.” I set a brown paper bag on the side table, putting my bag down and getting settled for our usual few hours. “What’s got you practicing bass, Lisa?”   
  
She smiles, a little embarrassed. “Well, I can’t just sit still and do nothing when you’re working so hard, can I?” I know she wants to change the subject, because her eyes flit about until they land on the paper bag that accompanied me today. “Yukina, what’s this?”

 

“Ah, that’s the cat-shaped cream bun you mentioned last time. I thought I would pick some up for us to share.” I open the bag, handing her a bun, then set the bag back on the side table. “I got two mini ones, so we could split with no problems.”

 

“Yuuuuuuukina, you’re my knight in shining armor~” She smiles again, looking happy as she unwraps the bun. “How’d you know I was craving something sweet?” I stare down at my bun, a little regretful that I’d have to eat something so cute, but decide to take a bite after seeing Lisa try the first bite, face lighting up at the flavor.

 

We sit in silence for a bit, both eating our cat-buns that are creamy and fluffy, and Lisa stops eating to note that “it’s like eating a cat-shaped cloud.” We finish eating, and she asks me the usual. “So what’d I miss, Yukina?”

 

I tell her about my week; things she’s missed, people she’s missed- “I ran into Aoba-san at Yamabuki Bakery when I went to go get these today, she says hello and sends her regards. Yamabuki-san threw in an extra mini-cat cream bun for you, and she also sends her regards,” and about my new band.

 

“Speaking of which, Lisa, I’ve found another band member. I think she’s quite good; she’s hardworking and her playing is excellent.” She eagerly nods, as if she’s enthralled by the new girl, even though I haven’t even said her name yet. She opens her mouth to ask me a question, but I’m sure I already know the answer. “Her name is Hikawa Sayo-san, Lisa.”

 

She closes her mouth, then opens it again, and laughs. “You know me so well, Yukina.” Her eyes glance at the direction of the clock, and so do mine- and we both know that we’ve lost track of time, as evidenced by the sky turning shades of sunset outside. “Well, it seems that time’s up, huh Yukina?” I nod, and begin to gather my things.

 

I get up, and she smiles and waves at me. “See you next week, Yukina~!”

-

I wait until I can’t hear the footsteps in the hall anymore, and I reach my hand out to slam the ‘call nurse’ button on the side table. I knock something off the table, but I’m in so much pain that I can’t find the mental energy to care.

My stomach churns, and the cat-shaped cloud only serves to cause a storm in my stomach. The nurses rush in, and there’s a flurry of activity as I’m given pills and something else that drifts me away. 

 

I wake up the next morning, only to find that there’s the remnants of a creamy, cat-shaped cloud in a paper bag on the floor.

 

\---

 

red is the color

of your cheeks, because you left the window open,

when I come to see you today.

It’s winter now, and it’s getting quite cold, so I shiver when I walk in the room, and you grin at me. “Merry Christmas, Yukina~!”

 

“Lisa, it’s November.”

 

“Forget the details, Yukina~ it’s just now starting to get cold, you know? Besides, it’ll be December in a few weeks! It feels like winter decided to say hello!” She breathes out, grinning with her cheeks dusted pink, letting out a small laugh when she sees her breath turn into steam in the air. 

 

She’s such a child sometimes. 

 

As usual, I settle into my spot, and she asks me the now-programmed response. “What’d I miss, Yukina?” She snuggles into the bed, eyes fixated on mine, and basically turns into a child waiting for a bedtime story.

 

I respond with the usual, and while I’m talking, I find that she’s drifted off to sleep.  _ I suppose I’m the bedtime storyteller now… _ As I gather my things to leave, I notice that the window is still open, and I move to close it.  _ You fool, how are you going to get better if all you do is give yourself a chill…? _

 

I watch the steady rise and fall of her chest, and bring the blankets higher up to her chin so she hopefully won’t get too cold.  _ The hospital is already cold enough; you didn’t have to actually go and make it cold. _

 

With that thought, I make a note to bring some flowers- some red geraniums- the next time I visit, and quietly slip out of the room to let her rest.

 

\---

 

red is the color

of the ribbon on the bag of cookies that you give me

when you come to see me today.

You waited for me outside of my- no, our- school gates, and I pass you as I’m on my way to visit you at the hospital. 

 

Of course, you catch up to me, and I find that someone is holding my hand all of a sudden.

 

“Yuuuukina, where are you going?”

 

To my surprise, Lisa’s hand in holding mine, and I can do nothing but stop in my tracks. “Lisa…?”

 

She snickers, laughing at my shocked expression. “Yes, Yukina?”

 

I can’t say anything back but question her. “Why are you here, Lisa?” 

 

“What do you mean, why am I here?” She lets go of my hand to strike a pose. “I’m obviously here because it’s a Friday! This time, I came to see you~” I’m speechless, so she grabs my hand again and starts dragging me off somewhere. “Come on, Yukina! I made reservations for a cute cafe, let’s go~!”

 

I let myself be dragged by her, thankful that she’s okay. She leads me to a cat cafe, and I smile to myself as she checks us in.  _ As always, Lisa is so considerate.  _ As soon as we sit down to order, the cats brush up against our legs and she begins to cuddle with them.

 

Still holding this cat, she grins at me. “So Yukina, what’d I miss?”

 

I give her one of the last recaps I’ll hopefully give her, and I end my weekly update with a question of my own. “Lisa, when are you coming back to school?” She puts down the cat that she’d been cuddling, and she instead opts to cradle her tea.

 

“I don’t know yet, the doctors haven’t given me a date. I was just allowed home yesterday, and that’s already a big step in itself, y’know?” She takes a sip of her tea, looks out the window, and snickers. “School might be a bit much for me anyways; too many people for my weakened body.”

 

I sigh. “Lisa, then why are we at an  _ animal _ cafe?”

 

She waves away my concern in response, and scans the room for something until I follow her line of vision to see that she’s staring at a grey cat. She stands up to pick up the cat, and it sits there in her arms, a bit unfriendly, until she scratches the back of its ears and immediately begins purring. “I was on a morning stroll yesterday with my family when I got out, and I saw this one in the window and it reminded me of you.” She stops to coo at the cat, which mewls back and begins playing with her hand.

 

I sigh (again). “I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended…”

 

She laughs, and continues to play with the cat, who’s warmed up to her completely. “It’s just like you, Yukina~ cold and serious at first, but warm and soft after the ice thaws!”

 

“Wh-What- Lisa, I am not-”

 

“You are too, Yuuuuukina!” She cackles at me in a teasing tone, as I don’t have a response, and puts down the cat after a few more pets. The cat rubs against her legs, as if it’s saying thank you, and wanders off to another part of the cafe. She watches it with a warm gaze, then turns her attention  to me. “Anyways, all of my catch up reports aside, how’s your band doing?”

 

“It’s doing well. Hikawa-san has exceptional work ethic, and I’ve found a solid drummer and keyboardist as well.” I pause to sip my tea. “I didn’t think I was going to take the drummer at first, but she was persistent; and I figured it wouldn’t be too dangerous to hope that her persistence translated into a strong work ethic. Besides, she brought a friend with her who could play piano, and she’s quite skilled, so I’d say it turned out well. The drummer’s name is Udagawa Ako, and the keyboard player’s name is Shirokane Rinko.” 

 

She nods in response, and smiles at me. “I’m glad you’ve found such nice team members, Yukina. You look happy when you talk about them, you know.” 

 

“Do I?” I look at my reflection in the window, only to find that I had been smiling a little bit. “Well, I’m looking forward to the music we’ll make together, so I suppose I am a bit happy.” I pause, drinking the rest of my tea. “We’re almost complete, so I’ll keep you posted if anything happens.”

 

“Sounds good, Yukina~ Although it seems like it’s getting late, do you want to head home?” I nod in response, and we pay our check. Lisa’s parents have come to pick her up, and they offer me a ride home as well, which I gratefully accept.  _ It’s quite cold in December _ , I think to myself, and climb in the car ride home.

 

As I get to my front door, I wave to Lisa one door over, and I have no words to express the gratitude I have. I’m thankful that she’s back to normal, that she’s back to where she should be- with me.

-

She waves goodbye to me with a calm smile, and I’m glad to see that she’s doing well. Her new bandmates seem to be great, and she hasn’t smiled that much in awhile- I’m so happy to see her happy. I change into my pajamas, and reach for the medicine on the bedside, with only one thought I can remember before I drift into a dreamless sleep.

 

_ I hope I can last just a little bit longer; I want to see that new band of hers. _

 

\---

 

red is the color

of your blood on the floor

when I went to meet you today.

I came over to bake cookies with you, and let you paint my nails, just like we promised.

 

It’s the first Friday of winter break, and you said that you had “the right to paint my nails,” and demanded I come over to bake some cookies in exchange for coloring my nails with some colored gloss. I still don’t quite understand why you like it so much, but whatever you want, I guess.

 

When I come in, your parents say you’re upstairs, that they think you might have overslept? But that’s not like you, so I walk fast upstairs, and knock twice before opening the door. “Lisa? I’m coming in.”

 

Clutching the side of your desk chair, with blood spotting the floor, you respond back, weak and frail. “Y-Yukina, I didn’t know y-you arrived a-already,” you manage to stutter out between fits of coughs. I can’t do anything but stand in the doorway in shock, and through all your coughs and labored breathing, you manage to ask me what I should be asking you. “Y-Yukina, are you o-okay?”

 

I turn around as fast as I can, and scramble down the stairs to grab her parents, who rush upstairs and tell me, “maybe it’s better if you go home today,” and I’m left watching them carry her to the car, cradling her as if she could break any moment, and they drive away to the hospital with words of panic they can’t afford to say. I stare at my hands; my fingernails, that are still void with color, even though a certain someone was supposed to paint them today.

 

The only thing that ended up being painted was the rug in her room, stained with the hues of bloody red that I never wanted to see.

 

\---

 

red is the color

of the pills that are at your bedside

when I come to see you today.

You said you were okay, so why are there so many capsules at your side?

 

One week later, I return to the unforgiving walls of the hospital to see you. I’ve brought some flowers and snacks for you, and although I don’t know if you can quite eat the snacks, I know you’ll appreciate the gesture nevertheless. I take a deep breath, and slide the door open.

 

You look up and give a small wave, pallor a bit paler than usual. “Hi, Yukina.”

 

I refill the vase on the windowsill with fresh water and new red geraniums; silently sitting down on the spare chair next to the bedside, setting the snacks down on the side table. The snacks almost knock something off the table, and I catch the small cylindrical container that rattles in my hand. Red pills fill it halfway, and I set the pills back on the side table as well. 

 

We don’t speak for awhile, just content to bask in each other’s presence, too afraid to say words that might ruin the limited time that we have left together. I take another deep breath, and decide to ask her a simple question. “How are you, Lisa?”

 

She lets out an airy chuckle, and her voice is a bit quieter than usual. “I’ve had better days, Yukina.” For once, she doesn’t seem to know what to say, and I can tell that she’s conflicted about something.

 

“Alright, let me tell you what you’ve missed this week.” A brief look of surprise flashes on her face, and she settles into a small smile as I tell her about everything that’s happened, just as usual. 

 

Just as I finish catching her up on the past week, I glance at the clock on the wall to find that the sun will set soon, so I decide to ask her the question that I’d been saving for last. 

 

“Lisa, are you okay?”

 

She lets out the same airy chuckle, and smiles at me. “I’m okay as long as you’re here, Yukina.” I can only watch her as her smiles falters a little bit, and she lets out a quiet sigh. “I’ll be out in a flash, you just watch! This is just a-”

 

“Just a what, Lisa?”

 

“Yukina, can I tell you something?”

 

“Lisa, please stop changing the subject, I-”

“Yukina, I just wanted to let you know that I’m so proud of how you’ve grown as a person. Not only are you an amazing singer, but you’re making your own band from scratch, and you have the power to inspire people beyond belief. You’re working so hard to do what you love, and I’m so sorry that I couldn’t be a better fr-”

 

“Lisa, stop saying things like that, you’ve done nothing wrong, you’re my best friend, I… I need you-”

 

“You never needed me, Yukina. All you had to do is believe in yourself.”

 

“...I never inspired anyone, Lisa.” Before I notice it, the tears are rolling down my face, and I suddenly can’t breathe. Through my sobs and gasps, I feel Lisa hold my hand, and speak in her quiet voice, the one she always used to console me when we were younger. 

 

“Yukina, please don’t cry… I’ll be better before you know it, okay?”

 

However, one thing’s different from when we were younger, and I know that this time, the words behind her wish to comfort me are empty.  _ It’s my turn to comfort her; I can’t be this weak when she’s suffering so much. _ I sniffle, and grab a tissue to tidy myself up. 

 

“Lisa, I have to go, it’s dark now.” She nods, looking away, face painted with guilt. “I’ll be back next week, and the week after that, with flowers and snacks, so you have to promise me that you’ll be here to eat snacks with me, okay?”

 

“Yukina, I-”   
  
“I’ll bring nail polish, I’ll bring your bass guitar, I’ll buy you new accessories so this room never gets tiring; let’s paint our nails together next week. I’ll be back, so you better be here to meet me, okay?”

 

She gives me a smile, although I see her eyes begin to gather with tears, and she nods. “Okay, it’s a promise.” She laughs, and wipes at her eyes. “You better bring lots of colors of polish, okay? I’m going to do your nails, I promise.” 

We’re both crying now, as if we know that this promise may break at any moment, but I hold out my pinky finger, and she takes it, locking it into our own special promise.

 

_ I’ll be stronger for you, so you have to be here next week. _

 

\---

 

red is the color

of the monitor that beeps erratically

when I come to see you today,

but fail, as I’m forced out of the room.

 

It’s the Friday before Christmas. It’s finally Christmas, your favorite holiday. I have a bag of cookies, that don’t quite live up to your own, a pouch filled with your favorite colors of nail polish, your bass on my back, and some new flowers to brighten up your room.

 

I slide open the door to your room, not knowing what I’d walk into, only to hear the jarring beeping that brought my attention to the red.

 

The red, jagged lines of the heart monitor that’s beeping a little too fast, the people surrounding you, talking in urgent tones, but I can’t seem to hear anything they’re saying. 

 

I can’t hear anything, and I can’t do anything but stand in the doorway until a nurse turns around to grab something, and finds me. She glances at the open door, then me. “I’m sorry, we were in a hassle so I forgot to hang the Do Not Disturb sign- please leave, you don’t seem to be a member of her family, and she’s not in a state to see visitors right now.”

 

“Wait, please let me-”   
  
“Miss, please leave now. If you care about her, please leave. we don’t have time to waste. You can wait in the hall until she stabilizes, but please leave the room now.”

 

I can’t do anything but nod and mutter a small “I’m sorry,” and I set down the bass and my bag. I sit in the seats in the hallway, flowers in hand, waiting for what seems like an eternity.

 

The door slides open, and I stand up, and approach the doorway, only to be pushed to the side by a group of nurses, wheeling out your bed. I can’t do anything but stare down the hallway, and it feels like eons later when I’m tapped on the shoulder. 

 

“Excuse me, are you alright?”

 

I snap out of it, and I nod at them, and they tell me where the help desk is if I’ll be needing anything. I look down at my feet, only to see that I’d dropped the red geraniums, and they’d gotten run over by the bed being wheeled, and I bend down to pick up the petals. 

 

The red geraniums were absolutely ruined.

 

\---

 

It’s Friday, the Friday after Christmas. You should be out now, right? Your family never answers the phone, I know, so it’s no use calling them to see if you’re OK to visit now. I still have your Christmas gift, so you have to open it and smile at me like you always do, okay?    
  
Just like clockwork, I walk up to your room with a wrapped box and red geraniums in hand, and I slide open the door to find an empty room filled with flowers, cards, gifts, and photos. 

 

red is your favorite color

the color that fills the room 

in a world

that you’re no longer in.

 

\---

 

red is the color 

of the nail polish i use before a big show

of the geraniums in the flower shop i pass to go to band practice

of the ribbon that i keep safe in my desk drawer, once used to tie a bag of the world’s most delicious cookies

of the envelope your parents gave to me after the funeral, filled with your uneeded apologies, aspirations that i wanted to fufill for you, and the good wishes for me that i wanted to say to you.

of your bass that sits in my room, the one that i learned how to play so that you could be in the band with me

of the confidence, memories, love and care that you’ve given me.

 

red is

your favorite color.

 

red is where i find you.

**Author's Note:**

> haha imagine if i wrote a sequel to this fic called 'blue' in which it's sayo watching yukina turn blue after lisa's death (edit: yes i wrote this... https://archiveofourown.org/works/17833727)
> 
> i apologize if yukina & lisa are ooc! this is my first bandori fic. my friend basically spoonfed me the idea and i love angst so i had to write it. yum
> 
> also i have no idea how to format on this site... my spacing seems to have gotten a bit messed up but 14 pages worth of writing... i can't be bothered to go fix it. oh well. 
> 
> anyways, thank you for reading!


End file.
